A Letter to The Expendables 3

I’m pretty lenient when it comes to you. You want to give jobs to tax cheats and insane racists? I’m cool with that. Mel Gibson being legit crazy adds something to him as a villain. You want to hype people like Jet Li despite only appearing for a scene? Whatever. Dude’s the best action star you bring in but he has other commitments. Bringing in people with no acting experience like Ronda Rousey? It’s hard to argue bringing in someone and using their popularity. I can even accept a PG-13 rating. Over the past decade it has been proven that you can have good action movies with movies like The Avengers, Dark Knight and Skyfall.

All I ask for are some good action scenes. Despite having two movies and a who’s who of action stars you’ve had less than a handful of good action scenes. Instead of the match ups we always wanted as implied we get fairly mediocre gun fights with some of the worst CGI in major motion pictures today. For every Jason Statham vs. Scott Adkins fight we get five unfulfilling scenes of Stallone and Randy Couture randomly firing at dudes causing some of the fakest blood splatter in years. While I understand that you want to recreate the feel of an 80’s style action movie in a world of The Raid, Captain America and pretty much anything coming from China this style feels stale and antiquated.

Because middle aged women love the dude #pagehits

Because middle aged women love the dude #pagehits

Now don’t get me wrong the Expendables series has tons of issues (Stallone writing the screenplay might top the list) and will never be high art. But to not even deliver some of the better action of the year is a major let down. With a new director, Patrick Hughes, things could end up differently. But when Kelsey Grammar is not only a name promoted but given a character poster I have my doubts. I’m begging you to prove me wrong. At the very least don’t waste having someone as awesome as Jet Li in your cast.

Thanks in Advance,
Douchebag Batman

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About Douchebag Batman

If you found this blog, I probably know you personally. Basically I'm using this for movie reviews, MMA previews, and the occasional wackiness from out of left field. Shout out to the horror short Welcome to the Party for the hella boss avatar. I'm not very good at selling this, am I? Anyway just check it out. You'll be filled with laughter. From my actual writing or realizing "Wow this guy needs an editor".
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2 Responses to A Letter to The Expendables 3

  1. Martini says:

    Well, at least I didn’t have to pay for it.

  2. Pingback: The Expendables 3 Review | The Further Adventures of Douchebag Batman

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