Robocop kicks ass. Period. It is a classic sci-fi/action movie. Robocop 2 was fairly average. A retread of the first movie with one or two things that are fun but nothing special. Now I am watching Robocop 3 for the first time. Now I’ve heard that it isn’t good but I have no idea how bad it actually is. Needless to say it should be an interesting watch.
Considering that Robocop 3 is nearly two decades old I decided to do this as a play-by-play review. If you don’t know that means I make comments as I watch. It’s like a commentary track but written. Now with pictures! So sit back, relax, and join me in Robocop 3.
0:00:00– PG-13??? Oh fuck me.
0:00:27– Orion Pictures. Just got a bit sad that they’re dead or bought by Fox or whatever happened to them.
0:00:50– These green screen effects are awesome.
0:01:20– There isn’t even a proper OmniCorp in this movie????? Oh this is going to be rough.
0:02:12– This little girl, I can already tell she’s going to be a factor in this movie and I already hate her. I can’t pinpoint it but I know I’ll despise her by the end. Of course it doesn’t look like she likes me either.
0:03:47– I’LL BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR!
0:03:56– Why wouldn’t you tell your family that you’ve been evicted???? What kind of shitty ass parent are you???
0:04:53– How did a wacky future gun not know this lady out? I don’t know guns but surely that’d at least knock her out.
0:05:33– Getting hit with a bullhorn WILL knock out though. Future Detroit is odd physics. Also where the hell did she get a mine?
0:06:11– Girl separated from her family. Yeah, she’s going to be in this for a while.
0:07:16– Little girl outruns soldier. A soldier with a future gun. Movies need more future guns.
0:07:55– The resistance is composed of all the actors you go “Oh snap it’s that person!” That’s awesome.
0:10:00– For the record, still no Robocop. Not even a proper police officer.
0:12:50– MORE PEOPLE I RECOGNIZE BUT DON’T KNOW! Also a funny joke. Well played Robocop 3. Well played.
0:17:05– Splatter punks??? Does that mean this turf belongs to a Misfits tribute band?
0:19:20– A gang approaching you with weapons. Why aren’t you shooting them? Future Detroit cops are idiots.
0:21:25– So your plan is to set Robocop on fire??? That seems stupid. Also why does he let them???
0:22:37– It just hit me that Robocop isn’t Peter Weller. Sigh.
0:26:00– Yet another dude I see but don’t know!!! This is like nothing but C-listers. I love it!
0:27:28– FUCK YES A NINJA/SAMURAI!!!
0:28:12– I swear the police in Detroit are always on strike in the Robocop universe. Maybe they just have low self-esteem.
0:29:42– Why is every Robocop movie about “Oh snap Robocop is too human”??? You would think they would have solved this by now.
0:34:33– “Hey Lewis, you want your body armor?” FORESHADOWING!
0:39:46– Damn right you’ll kill them Robocop! They killed Nancy Allen!!!
0:40:32– This girl really can’t act.
0:43:25– I get that kids know electronics than adults. With all their fancy walkmans and karaoke machines. But how the hell did she know where the tracking device was? It’s not like Robocop is a household item.
0:51:41– Doctor Lazarus? To fix the nearly dead Robocop? That just feels like cheap writing to me.
00:54:30– Why would you just have a map to the rebel base on you? That seems really dumb to me.
0:57:36– Early 90’s CGI!!!!!!!!!!!
01:02:27– RoboNinja takes no shit!
01:05:02– “You got a Robocop, do you have an AlienCop? Do you have a VampireCop?” Random citizen makes good points.
01:13:15– Well that chase was unimpressive.
01:18:29– So the cops ARE going on strike. I should’ve known it was gonna happen eventually.
01:19:51– They’re blaming Robocop for killing nuns? Was eating kittens too over the top?
01:21:50– The Class of 1984 joined the OCP and they are PISSED!
01:24:00– ROBOCOP VS ROBONINJA!!!!!!!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
01:30:00– OCP had a tank??? Why the hell didn’t you lead with that? Sid & Nancy rejects are much less intimidating.
01:34:34– Annoying girl hacked the Roboninjas? Dammit nothing cool works in this movie.
01:35:40– Did they just invert the color to signify an explosion??? Well that’s just dumb.
01:37:37– Thank God this is over.
How absolutely underwhelming. This movie could have been good. No really it could have. The plot overall is a bit generic but perfectly acceptable. A security force takes over Detroit, hires a ninja, Robocop has to win. That’s all great. The problem is in the execution. The action, no good. The effects, even by the standards of 1993 aren’t good. I mean Jurassic Park came out the same year and we get this??? Obviously they aren’t going to get a Jurassic Park budget but not even a Demolition Man budget? It just looks terribly outdated. Then there’s the little girl. She is a mix of useless and annoying throughout. Worst of all though the movie is boring due to poor decisions in the story. I mean the movie has Robocop with a flamethrower, a city wide civil war and ROBONINJA! Yet somehow, someway this movie absolutely wastes these absolute golden ideas. As I said, absolutely underwhelming. If there’s any plus there is no way the remake coming out next year can be any duller than this.