BONUS- Scream Play By Play Review

As a special bonus, I decided to have a bit o my prep for Scream 4 into my blog. So, as the title suggests, I have a special Play By Play Review of Scream. I can’t say it’ll be as funny as the Gigli one but I tried with what I had. HAVE FUN!!!!!
*****

0:00:22– Even for 1996, Drew Barrymore as a “teen” is hard to believe. Like John Wayne as Genghis Kahn unbelievable.

0:03:31– She really should be taking care of this popcorn. Death by fire sounds worse then death by crazed masked killer. Well… kinda worse.

0:03:51– With a crazed stalker, LOCK THE GLASS DOORS!!!! That’ll stop him!!!!!

0:05:11– “He’s big and he plays football”. Even as a kid, that line sounded goofy as all heck. WORST DEFENSE EVER!!!!!!

0:06:00– Poor Steve, not even a real line to be remembered by.

0:07:06– Well he said that first question was a test question. MOST CLEVER MOVIE KILLER EVER!!!!!

0:07:23– I also love how the killer gets to kill Steve due to technicality. It’s like douchebag Alex Trebek. Note to self, remember that name for future blog.

0:08:03– GUTTED STEVE!!!!!!! Stupid CGI couldn’t do this right nowadays. “Back in my day” and whatnot.

0:09:00– And there you have it, popcorn on fire. Told ya you should have kept an eye on it.

0:10:26– Ghostface deterred by a punch to the face. AWESOME.

0:10:44– “THAT’S FOR CHARLIE’S ANGELS!!!!!!”

0:11:08– KICK TO THE BALLS!!!!!!

0:12:51– “That’s for Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle!”

0:13:04– Neve Campbell. Oh how fame is fleeting. I also love the wicked old computer in this scene.

0:13:23– 90’s Skeet Ulrich. When you can’t afford Johnny Depp.

0:14:30– INDIGO GIRLS???? INDIGO GIRLS???????????? Were they really big in ’96???

0:14:45– The movie rating romance discussion. Classic.

0:15:40– BLUE OYSTER CULT COVER!!!!!!!!!!

0:17:35– Sweatshirts around the waist. MONEY!!!!!

0:17:58– Rose McGowen. Oh if you only knew what was coming up 3 years later.

0:18:34– Okay, the sweater around the neck. EVEN BETTER!!!!!!

0:19:01– THE FONZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

0:19:16– Okay, it’s AMAZING how little David Arquette has changed. A bit thinner nowadays but that’s about it. Props to good DNA.

0:19:51– Matthew Lillard. ACTING! Wait till Wing Commander comes around, buddy.

0:21:03– I never did get to work at a video store. I always figured a mom & pop video store would be a perfect job for me. Alas, born a couple years too late.

0:21:21– Jamie Kennedy, I like your character but dang are you annoying.

0:21:30– Scratch that. Matthew Lillard takes the cake. It’s like Urkel and any random VH1 reality star blended together.

0:23:00– A musical, jump scare stinger for literally no reason. NONE!!!!

0:25:21– Movie, never mention Tom Cruise’s penis ever again. NEVER AGAIN.

0:26:20– “What’s the point? They’re all the same. Some stupid killer stalking some big breasted girl who can’t act who’s running up the stairs when she should be running out of the house”. God bless this movie.

0:28:46– Does Sidney wear mom jeans??? I don’t know fashion but that’s what it looks like.

0:29:00– BALL KICK 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

0:29:41– COMPUTER PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God I miss the 90’s.

0:30:33– There’ll never be a better goof then David Arquette.

0:33:16– “What are you doing with a cellular phone”. In 2011, HILARIOUS LINE.

0:34:39– I know she’s been shown before but god bless ya Courtney Cox. You should’ve made it to the top, not Jennifer Aniston.

0:35:13– “What about that CELLULAR PHONE”

0:36:40– SIDNEY COLD COCKING GAIL!!!!!!! NICE!!!!!!!!!

0:38:20– Was *69 not around?? This isn’t a joke, I’m legit curious.

0:38:51– Liev Schreiber with long hair?????????? Even in 96, still a creepy, creepy dude.

0:39:11– CELLULAR!!!!!! I know it’s the real name but it’s just so darn adorable. Like what an old lady would call it.

0:44:01– GET OVER YOUR MOM DYING????????!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?????????????? Billy, wow. Not the brightest dude.

0:44:49– AMEN FONZIE!!!!!!!!! The kids of this generation are crap!!!!!

0:48:07– BATHROOM SUSPENSE SCENE!!!!!!!!!! That sounded much dirtier then it was meant to be.

0:49:00– Oh Dewey, I’d be seduced by a hottie like Courtney Cox too.

0:50:33– Oh it’s been awhile since we’ve had a “sweet jesus shoot Matthew Lillard” moment. I don’t mess it.

0:52:12– Wes Craven as “Fred”. Well that inside joke just felt forced.

0:53:06– NOOOO!!!!!!!!! DON’T KILL THE FONZ!!!!!!!!!!! WHY LORD WHY??????!!!!!!!!!!!

0:54:42– Okay the killer being in the daylight, FUNNY.

0:55:14– Nobody remembers The Howling as “The werewolf movie with ET’s mom in it”. NOBODY.

0:56:39– “If they’d watch Prom Night they’d save time!!!!” Randy, back in my good graces.

0:57:13– “It’s the millenium. The motive is incidental”. Sweet Moses that’s true in horror today.

0:58:29– Even “The Town That Dreaded Sundown” is referenced. My horror nerd heart is aflutter.

1:03:00– What party debates Evil Dead 2 or Hellraiser. Whichever it is, I WANT TO BE INVITED!!!!

1:05:07– CAT SCARE!

1:06:04– “I Spit On Your Garage”. Okay, THAT was clever.

1:06:43– This is seriously the most accident prone killer ever.

1:06:53– BEER BOTTLE TO THE BALLS!!!!

1:07:28– GARAGE DOOR OF DOOM!!! Although, to be fair, it is seriously the stupidest escape plan ever.

1:12:01– BOW CHICKA WOW WOW!!!! SEX SCENE!!!!

1:13:09– THE HORROR RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1:21:10– THE KILLER GRUNTS!!!!!!!! The mortal killer is so much better then the immortal one.

1:22-30– So is Jamie Kennedy stoned? Drunk? Poorly acting? THE QUESTIONS THAT NEED ANSWERS!!!

1:23:40– THE FAT MAN DIES!!!! NOOOOO!!!!!!!!

1:24:10– THE KILLER CRAWLS!!!!!!! And gives the pantomime “drats” hand motion.

1:26:00– THE ZACK MORRIS CELL PHONE!!!!!!!!

1:27:50– “LOCKED CAR DOORS! MY ONLY WEAKNESS!!!!!”

1:29:27– “Fuck you both!” Sidney locking out Jamie Kennedy AND Matthew Lillard, BEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE SIDNEY!!!!!!!

1:30:28– “We all go a little mad sometimes.” God bless ya Scream, ya remember the classics.

1:31:08– It’s Billy AND Stu???!!!! DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!

1:33:18– SWEET MOSES KILL MATTHEW LILLARD!!!!!!

1:34:15– So Stu and Billy want to frame Sidney’s dad. Here’s the problem, your fingerprints are all over the deal. Seriously man, how do you explain that away??? The knife, maybe. But the phone and the voice box??? Well, I guess CSI wasn’t around in 96.

1:35:56– “Don’t you blame the movies. Movies don’t create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative!”

1:39:59– UMBRELLA OF DOOM!!!!!!! From victim to heroine. The rise of the “Final Girl” is always classic.

1:42:40– And we have time for one last jump scare. Thanks dad that was hardly in the film. You fulfilled your role nicely.

And with that, credits roll and SCENE. As a whole, the movie holds up quite well. Is there some nostalgia there? Yeah, probably. Nevertheless, it’s still an insanely fun watch. More then a decade later it’s still a really good satire of the horror genre, even today. Definitely worth a rewatch if you haven’t seen it in years.

Rating- A

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About Douchebag Batman

If you found this blog, I probably know you personally. Basically I'm using this for movie reviews, MMA previews, and the occasional wackiness from out of left field. Shout out to the horror short Welcome to the Party for the hella boss avatar. I'm not very good at selling this, am I? Anyway just check it out. You'll be filled with laughter. From my actual writing or realizing "Wow this guy needs an editor".
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