This is why I’m no Gene Siskel. Well first and foremost I’m alive but more importantly I don’t think he’d write his stuff at the last minute. It’s 10:00 and I’m just now writing the intro. Still, by god I said I’d do it and I did. More importantly though, I bet he doesn’t tell his audience. I guess that’s why I’m not getting paid for this. Nevertheless, I promised it and by god I won’ tlet you down! So without any more delays, here’s my top 3 picks for biggest disappointments of 2010.
3- Piranha 3D
The movie showed a lot of promise. I’m not just talking before in previews but even through the movie I was loving it. It had killer fish, gore, boobs and even Richard Dreyfuss. RICHARD DREYFUSS!!! It had everything you could love in a horror movie. With that said, it absolutely failed in one aspect. It did close to nothing substantial with the new fangled technology. Of all genres horror should be the easiest one to do 3D with. You have the random jump scares, blood spurting, even the now and then boobs out of nowhere. Sadly all these chances were completely missed out on. I’d love to see Alexandre Aja have another chance with 3D because he’s a great horror director. If this is an indication on how he’d do though, maybe 2D is for the best.
One of my favorite current comic writers is Mark Millar. He’s not exactly the most frequent writer but with Marvel 1985, Nemesis and Old Man Logan under his belt I’m totally okay with that. When I heard that was being made into a movie I was stoked. Then I heard that Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake) was getting behind the camera and I was sold. Going into the movie I was stoked. I was satisfied with how it turned out for the most part. Chloe Moertz, once again proving her skill, did an amazing job as Hit-Girl. Heck, even Nicolas Cage’s typically cheesy performance totally worked as Big Daddy. The problem with the deviation from the source material. I really hate to be “comic book guy” but they totally took away from the final product. The reality (for lack of a better term) that was throughout the comic lacked in places which really set it back. Not only storywise but it also hindered the movie’s main character who just became really whiny and unlikeable. When your protagonist is completely annoying you have a problem on your hands.
1- The Expendables
This was supposed to be the perfect movie. It took the absolute best action stars of the 80’s (Stallone), 90’s (Jet Li) and 2000’s (Statham) and had them all together. It’s not like Stallone is a stranger to directing and writing good action movies either. It was supposed to be the testosterone filled, balls to the wall, holy grail of action films. What it delivered was an average action film that totally lacked all of the magic of it’s predecesors. First and foremost it really felt like the big stars (Stallone, Statham, and Li) were lacking in their roles. They all had big action set pieces but by the last half hour it really felt like it focused on the more minor actors like Terry Crews and Randy Couture. Give time to the newer guys, that’s great. But not in the big finale. Not during the big boom at the end. My other problem, and this was major for me, was the use of CGI. I realize you need to for some bits, I get that. But in a movie that’s a throwback to the action films of the 80’s it’s just out of place. You can’t tell me that it wouldn’t have been cheaper and better looking to use squibs as opposed to CGI blood. It just made no sense to me. I walked out of the movie happy but it really wears off fast. If the rumors of Expendables 2 being more of a martial arts movie are correct, I know I’ll just explode in anger.